For Christians, dating is not about following cultural trends but pursuing relationships that honor God and aim for marriage. In part 3 of this dating series, we consider the question: How should Christians go about dating? I’m going to offer six practical recommendations for dating biblically, ensuring our relationships reflect Christ’s love and prepare us for a godly marriage.
1. Don’t Date Until You’re Ready for Marriage
The goal of dating is marriage, so it makes sense to wait until you’re in a position to marry—typically within 12-18 months. Modern dating often starts too early, lasts too long, and becomes overly serious too quickly, leading to chaos and heartbreak. Without the potential of marriage, dating lacks purpose and invites temptation. By waiting until you’re ready, you approach relationships with clarity and intentionality, minimizing pain and glorifying God.
2. Date Prayerfully
Prayer is essential before and during dating. Seek God’s guidance, discernment, and wisdom in choosing a partner and navigating the relationship. Philippians 4:6 encourages us to bring all things to God in prayer. By grounding your dating journey in prayer, you align your desires with God’s will, trusting Him to lead you to a spouse who honors Him.
3. Find a Mate While Living on Mission
Focus on pursuing Christ’s mission, and you’re likely to find a compatible partner. As Marshall Segal writes in Not Yet Married, “Focus on the harvest, and you’re bound to find a helper.” Engage in ministry—serve in church, disciple others, or join mission trips. These contexts naturally connect you with believers who share your passion for Christ. Avoid seeking a spouse in places like bars or secular dating apps, which rarely foster godly relationships.
4. Date to Evaluate, Not for Intimacy or Status
Dating is a period of evaluation, not a quest for premature intimacy or social validation. Many date to feel worthy or to say they have a partner, but this leads to giving away emotional and physical pieces of yourself outside marriage. As my mom once told me, “Never date someone you wouldn’t marry.” If you realize a relationship isn’t headed toward marriage, end it promptly to avoid unnecessary heartbreak and out of respect for the other person and for yourself. Evaluate character, faith, and compatibility, keeping marriage as the goal.
5. Provide Clarity and Stay in Public Spaces
During evaluation, be upfront about your intentions—dating is for marriage, not casual romance. When spending time alone, choose public settings like restaurants, church events, or group outings to avoid sexual temptation. Being alone behind closed doors invites compromise, as 1 Thessalonians 5:22 urges us to “abstain from every form of evil.” Living above reproach protects your purity and honors God.
6. Pursue Purity with Community Support
Establish boundaries early to guard against temptation—don’t “walk to the edge of the cliff.” Pursue purity in thought, word, and action, reflecting the holiness God calls us to (1 Peter 1:15-16). Involve community—seek advice from mentors, pastors, or trusted friends who can hold you accountable. Their wisdom helps you navigate challenges and stay focused on Christ.
7. Be Patient, But Don’t Drag It Out
Take time to evaluate a partner thoroughly. Observe how they handle conflict and whether their faith is genuine, especially beyond the initial “honeymoon” phase. However, don’t prolong dating unnecessarily. If you’re confident this is the person God has for you, get engaged and marry without unnecessary delay. Long engagements or extended dating periods increase temptation and hinder purity.
Closing Thoughts
Ask yourself: Does my dating relationship draw others closer to Christ? Are we making disciples together or living for our own pleasure? Does our relationship reflect Christ or mirror the world? Ephesians 5:24-32 reminds us that marriage reflects Christ’s love for His Church, a union of oneness and commitment. Dating should prepare us for this covenant, not distort it through impurity or self-centeredness.
Ultimately, our satisfaction lies in Christ, not a spouse. By dating prayerfully, missionally, and purely, we honor God and prepare for a marriage that displays the gospel to the world around us. Whether single or dating, live fully for Christ, trusting Him to guide your relationships for His glory.
Tethered to Truth 